When I Say That I’m Poly…

When I Say That I’m Poly…

…I’m not saying that I’m unsatisfied with my current relationship(s). For me, polyamory has never been about filling some kind of void. I could be perfectly content in a one partner relationship for a very long time, possibly indefinitely. I practice polyamory because I want to be able to explore the connections that I form throughout my life, and to express my affection for the people who are important to me, not because I need to have multiple partners to be happy.

…I’m not saying that I’m promiscuous or looking for casual hook-ups. While there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being into either of those things (whether you’re poly, or not), casual sex is not something that I’ve ever found satisfying, and is not what I’m looking to get out of polyamory.

That said, you can be poly and be into casual sex. You can be poly and only have one sexual partner. You can also be poly and have no sexual partners at all.

None of these options are more or less valid than the other.

…I’m not saying that I’m always looking for new partners. Because most of the time, I’m not. “Polyamorous” doesn’t automatically = seeking, available, or open for business. You can be polyamorous and still be in a closed relationship, or multiple closed relationships. And you can be polyamorous without actively looking to add new partners to your life. While I’m not in a closed relationship personally, my availability does fluctuate depending how much time & energy I have to invest in a new partner, and I’m definitely not always in ‘seeking’ mode.

..I’m not saying that I’m a ‘unicorn’ or looking for any sort of group dynamic by default. I enjoy co-topping & co-bottoming with pre-existing partners & close friends, but I don’t consider myself a unicorn and being courted as a ‘third’ isn’t all that appealing to me. My preference is to date one-on-one and to engage in group play with people who are already within my partner or friend circle.

…I’m not saying that I never feel insecure or jealous or worried when my partner(s) date other people. Because I do, sometimes. Most people do, sometimes. The more confident and secure I feel in my relationship(s), the less frequent those times are, but I’ll probably never stop worrying completely. I worry about what new partners might bring into our lives, and I worry about how we might impact theirs. I worry about hurt feelings and misunderstandings and I worry about the unknown.

…I’m not saying that polyamory is somehow better than monogamy, nor am I saying it to be trendy. I’m saying it because it’s a part of my sexual orientation, regardless of how many partners I have at any given time. I am not an emotionally monogamous person — I can be (and have been, at various points) in love with multiple people at one time. And while I could stay sexually and romantically monogamous to one person by choosing not to act on my feelings for others, that wouldn’t make me any less polyamorous in orientation. It’d still be a part of who I am, regardless of my relationship status.

Additionally, my orientation and preferences don’t make your orientation and preferences any less valid — I’m not saying that there’s a ‘wrong’ or ‘better’ choice, just the right choice for you (and your partner/s).

When I say that I’m poly, the _only_ thing I’m saying is that I have room in my heart for more than one love.

Share me? 🙂
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