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Category: Safer Kink

“But he’s never done that to me, Violet!”

“But he’s never done that to me, Violet!”

“If you really were assaulted, why didn’t you come forward sooner? Why did you continue to be friends with the accused?” Look, I was 19 when this happened. I had only been active in the kink community for a little over a year, and I’d never had to handle something like this before. The accused was someone I trusted, someone I had considered a friend. When this happened, I had a lot of thoughts and feelings to work through, and…

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How You Handle Shit Matters: On Consent Violations, Mistakes and Kindness in Kink

How You Handle Shit Matters: On Consent Violations, Mistakes and Kindness in Kink

Just because someone is a long-standing member of the kink community doesn’t automatically mean that they’re ‘safe’, ’sane’ or knowledgable — and just because some people have had good experiences with someone doesn’t mean that *everyone* has. People can talk about their experiences (positive, negative, neutral) however they see fit, but don’t think for one minute that two (or even twenty-two) positive references automatically negates *any* & *all* negative experiences that someone else might have had with that person, or…

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There is No ‘Safe’ Space In the Kink Community: A Consent Violation Story

There is No ‘Safe’ Space In the Kink Community: A Consent Violation Story

I originally wrote and posted this as a note on Fetlife several years ago. At the time, I still wanted to believe that the person in question did not have a history of predatory behaviour, and that this was more of a one-off event, so I was very careful about concealing their identity out of respect for them. However, recent events in my local community have proven that belief wrong. This incident happened locally during my first few years in…

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Why You Should Have Your Own Toybag *Regardless* of Your Role or Orientation

Why You Should Have Your Own Toybag *Regardless* of Your Role or Orientation

This is primarily aimed at those who play casually and/or with multiple people, and might not be applicable (at least, in its entirety) to fluid-bonded partners. Some toys are porous and can not be sanitized for use between partners. Unfortunately, leather toys are on that list. There are things that can be done to minimize the risks of cross-contamination when using porous toys, but it’s difficult to eliminate them entirely, especially if the same set of toys are being used between partners…

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Why Bleach and Rubbing Alcohol *Aren’t* Always Enough

Why Bleach and Rubbing Alcohol *Aren’t* Always Enough

I decided to post this after reading a lot of Sybian Owner FAQs that included things like “I use rubbing alcohol & boil attachments between riders, so my machine is perfectly hygienic/safe”. The problem with this & similar statements is that rubbing alcohol, mainstream bleach-based products and boiling have not been shown to consistently kill some infectious diseases, such as Hepatitis C, which could come into contact with the machine through menstrual blood, skin irritation, or even due to micro-abrasions…

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